


don't let go (of this nonexistent love)

by srcsmcrdscnc



Category: Haikyuu!!, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 12:36:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7845211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/srcsmcrdscnc/pseuds/srcsmcrdscnc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>join in on a journey of love; the ups and downs, and twists and turns...</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't let go (of this nonexistent love)

**Author's Note:**

> just something i wrote over the holidays enjoy ;)))  
> -  
> side note: imagine this with whoever you want :) i just wrote this imagining me and my crush whoops •.•"

-  
it was in pairs, and the teacher just had to pair us up together. i'm starting to think that the teachers secretly have ships for us. we don't exactly hate each other, it's just whenever we make eye contact, there's always this undeniable awkwardness. anyways, we had to act out a scene from any Shakespeare plays. and being the unlucky ones in class, we got the classic "Romeo and Juliet". the catch was, to make it modernized. truth to be told, things weren't going as smoothly as i had imagined.

we thought about it for a while and got to the conclusion that we would hang out everyday before and after school, to help us bond. i guess. so t-minus 1 day to operation: shakespere and i had this unexplainable nervous feeling in my gut that usually indicated things were not gonna go as we had planned.

mondays, ugh. by 8am i already had arrived at school, sat down and proceeded to have a quick snooze. almost 3 seconds of snoozing, i felt someone sit next to me. i opened an eye and saw this angelic piece of wor- wait, never mind, it's only him. i had totally forgot we even had to sit with our partners for the whole duration of the coursework. he put his head onto the table and faced me, those dark chocolatey brown eyes staring into mine, as if trying to dig up some of my deepest secrets. he then proceeded to smile a million watt smile, and said good morning, which was barely audible, but since i was like 5cm away from him, i could hear him as clear as a whistle. just then, the undeniable awkwardness disappeared, however i could feel my heart beating rapidly and my hands sweating ever so slightly, i returned his greeting and i got another smile. wow, he sure is in a good mood today.

the lessons carried on as usual, but the teachers involved more interaction with our partners. such as discussing with them, take turns to question each other and whatnot. we finished fairly fast, and decided to take a break. the others were still around halfway to three quarters done. out of the blue, he surprised me with this question:

"so, what's your ideal type of guy?"

i was taken aback, therefore i took a good ten seconds staring at him, mouth slightly open in disbelief. then i noticed, his eyes are so captivating; as if he was the light source and i was the moth, attracting me towards him. then i looked a little more towards the south, and was blessed by the view of pink, luscious lips; the same lips that curves up into a million watt smile, giving me the butterflies?

*snap snap* i looked back into focus, meeting his face once again. to my surprise, his face was slightly pink.  
"its totally fine if you don't wanna answer that question anyways"  
i shook my head, and showed him my lockscreen, which was in fact, jeon jeongguk. my one and only who deserves my true love. he scoffed at me and faced in front, i followed, but instead of facing in front, i pivoted in my seat and tried to communicate with (f/n) with my face expression instead.

at last, LUNCH!! we were blessed with this short yet cherished period to enjoy the existence of food. yes, food. i was scavenging through my bag for $10, and he stood there, looking at me, as if contemplating something, while i suffer a tragic demise of not finding my wallet (how dare he). luckily after 5 more seconds of turning my bag inside out, i found the damned thing. when i was heading out of the classroom, he grabbed me by the sleeve, smiled at me while saying:  
"let's grab lunch together"

after purchasing our lunch, we sat down back in class and decided to watch some poods. he suggested that we watch the japan world cup, i agreed with him, as it was my fave one out of millions of videos. we both shared an earphone, so catcalls from our classmates were inevitable, but we chose to ignore them anyways. choosing japan world cup was honestly the best idea ever, we were laughing so hard our stomachs started to hurt. and without noticing, our proximity had became one step closer.

the rest of the day was pretty uneventful (if you don't count he times he mentioned something funny and made us both giggling like lunatics). and at last, it was 4:30, the time where we say goodbye school and hello home!

i was talking to ma squad when i felt someone come up to me from the side. so naturally, i turned around, and saw his face just a mere 2cm away. it was in super super high resolution i can't even, his face god damn. to my relief (disappointment?), he backed up and said,

"whatsapp, 8pm. if i don't see you, i'm gonna spam like there's no tomorrow"

then he left. just like that. he didn't listen to my opinion, he didn't care what i thought, he just wanted me there at 8! and we don't even chat much!! my friends were giving me the face and i tried to ignore how my cheeks were slightly burning. ugh, why does he make me feel this way.

when i got home, i did my business and ate dinner. at 7:34pm, i laid in bed, contemplating my life choices and about the universe. i briefly thought about the play, and my head came up close to none ideas. i racked my brains back and forth for any useful and unique script to use. but no, my brain was not cooperating with me. fuck you brain. maybe it was the food i ate, or maybe it was the sheer amount of tiredness that hit me so sudden it could've passed off as murder.

*ding x n times* woke up still half asleep, taking in my surroundings. after staring at the same spot in my bedroom for a good 5 seconds, i realized that my phone was jostling with notifications. i then stretched my short hand to reach for the phone, thinking that BTS was having a comeback and all was well, but to my dismay, it was only him spamming me with tons of messages ie, "hi" "k" "vooiii" "oi" and on and on. i unlocked my phone and went to our chat. he stopped after seeing that i was online. and our conversation went something like this

"uh, u mind?"  
"hi"  
"-.-'"  
"whut"  
"nvrm"  
"k"  
"so what now? i thought u had smtg to say?"  
"abt the romeo n juliet play. how u wanna change the ending"  
"err. maybe smtg like 'my mom hacked my instagram n unfollowed u' 'im sorry' n all those shet i guess"  
"woah"  
"thanks to endless hrs of reading fanfics"  
"so tmr we practice??"  
"call"  
"stayback right"  
"sure"  
"ok while thats done... lets play truth or dare shall we?"

woah, that escalated quickly. i soon recovered from shock and continued to message him.

"okay then, i'll go first, truth or dare?"  
"dare"  
"i dare u to sing 'someone like u' in class when the whole class is silent"  
"woah, hardcore"  
"well it is a dare"  
"k fine i'll do it, ur turn muahahahahahhah truth or dare"  
"dare me betch"  
"i dare u... to ignore everyone except for me n d trs until lunch"  
"is this revenge?!"  
"maybe"  
"thats not fair :("  
"¯\\_(ツ)_/¯"  
"k fineeeee, truth or dare"  
"truthhh"  
"would u listen to kpop for life, or only to be able to speak in lyrics"

"(y/n)!!!!!"  
oh shat, its mom. i went to see what did she wanted, turns out we ran out of sugar and she wanted me to run down and buy some. 5 minutes later, i was done and went back into my room to check his  
reply:

"listen to kpop for life"  
"aww yiss, here comes another sacrifice for the kpop spiral"  
"lololololololololol"

while i was typing a reply, he interrupted me rudely with:  
"anyways, is ur name sawamura? cause i wanna daichi (在一起)"  
(((A/N: 在一起 = be together)))  
"umm, what"  
"what do you think? i wanna use it to confess ;)"  
"wOAH I WAS NOT INFORMED ABOUT THIS. who is the 'lucky' girl? hey, how come u didnt say anytg abt her :("  
"um, no. cos you'll tell everyone"  
"alrighty then, i promise i wont say ehehehh"  
"well i can only say her name has (number of letters your name has) letters"  
"wait what, thats all?!?!?!?!?!?"  
"ya"  
"at least tell me what class shes in :((((((((("  
"if i told u id be signing my death wish so no :p"  
"k fine :("

and like that, the chat stopped.

<< time skip >> (oops)  
so it was monday (nobody likes you), and monday means PE for us. i was feeling fairly lethargic, so when it was time for us to get in the hall, i slumped in one corner. i thought that no one would see me, cause my hiding spot was very well hidden. but no, someone had to find me. and to make matters worse, it was him.  
"get up. its PE."  
"noh. i'm tired."  
"well i guess i'll have to use the force."  
without another word, he bent down, and firmly grabbed my wrists like his life was depending on it. then he effortlessly pulled me up onto my two feet, even though i weigh a ton. i blushed at the sudden contact, thank the gods he didn't notice. he didn't let go until we caught up with the rest of our class.  
"thanks."  
"anytime..."  
this was followed by a genuine smile. i could swear my heart skipped a beat. i avoided his gaze; before we headed to our respective spots, he patted my head, and i may add, tenderly. stoned, i stood there, looking at the direction he had left. thankfully, i came to my senses just before the coach started the workout session of hell.

after one hour of intense exercise, we were throughly exhausted. while trudging back to class, i felt a pair of strong hands clasped on my shoulder.  
"why you look like you gonna die?"  
oh its him. again.  
"isn't everyone?"  
"not me."  
"how is your stamina so high?"  
"oh trust me its not, i get my energy by just merely looking at you" then winked.

my whole face was red enough already, but with those mere words it turned MANY MANY shades redder. i didnt want him to see my embarrassing face so i faced front and stayed silent.  
just like that, those firm hands supported me up to class. the whole duration of the trip consisted of one blushing maniac, me; and him of course HAHA. ha.

during class, teacher put us into groups again. of course, i ended up with him. just then i could feel someone burning a hole through my head. i tried to ignore it, and it kinda worked; i was too immersed in the group work until the burning sensation was gone. but in return, there was a sudden weight on my right shoulder. turns out, he laid his head on my shoulder! due to my reflexes, i almost flinched away; but i didn't and he stayed there, keeping a silent resolution.

honestly, i didn't minded as much; but he made it too obvious, and before i knew it, the whole class was making the face again and catcalls were heard occasionally.  
thankfully, before i could shake him off, he got up by himself. i was half relived half disappointed; why the fuck was i disappointed?  
sometimes i think my heart and brain don't work together on purpose just to piss me off. 

anyways, the teacher asked us to head back to our seats after a short while. when we sat down, he immediately got out a pen and started doing tricks with it. i wasn't that surprised cause two could play that game; therefore i got out my trustworthy pencil and started to do some tricks too. he looked my way and looked kinda impressed, but then he stopped abruptly and took my hand, put it on the table and asked: 

"what would you want me to draw onto your hand?"

ok say what now? being shocked, i barely managed to stutter out the words:

"a s-star...or anyt-thing i guess AHEM"

his eyes were wide, but it soon disappeared into crescents; while his mouth turned into a beautiful smile. at this point of time, i truly don't know what are we; friends? couples? to be frank, we were flirting most of the time, and our proximity is too close to be called as friends; and too far to be called as a couple. coming to a conclusion, we are "best" friends.  
or so i hoped.

his grip on my arm sent shivers along the nerves of my body; then the feeling was replaced by the pointy end of the pen. at first it was hella ticklish, but then it was kinda soothing; cause you get used to the pointy end, and it just glides real smooth. 

the final product was finished within minutes, and it was breathtaking.

stars were littered evenly across my arm, and right in the stark middle were my initials.

"o-oh wow... thats a really good drawing"  
"ahaha, it was nothing, really..."

then the awkward silence returned. i desperately wanted to bring up a conversation but i couldn't even think of a good conversation starter.

we didn't talk until school was over. yeah, thats really long. i couldn't suppress the silence anymore, i had to do something!

"hey, you free after school? i was wondering if we could go grab something to eat...."

i didnt say that did i? my brain told me to look at him, and i did. his face was scrunched up by the tiniest bit and then i notice a faint red color dusting his cheeks, is he blushing?? oh okay WOW, first of all he asks me out on a date?? and he gets flustered??? what are we????

by the time i got my senses back his expression was quite sullen. CAUSE I FORGOT TO REPLY GODDAMMIT HOLY COW. 

"y-yeah! sure thing, its a da-"

i stopped myself before i could say anymore. i didn't want to ruin the perfect relationship between us. i wish that this relationship could last forever. i know that i'm being very naïve, but hey, a girl can dream right?

actually, i knew. i knew my feelings for him. i knew it all along. but i tried to hide. in fear, of rejection. rejection, it hurts, so fucking much. i can't even try to describe it in words; love is a really mysterious object. it can make you happy and make you sad all at the same time. what is it, actually? is it just a figment of our imagination? or is there another meaning to it? but all i know for now, is to pray and try to keep this relationship thats hanging on a sliver of thread stable. its hard work, but i'm all in.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :)))))))


End file.
